18 January 2009


Okay, so it has been two months approximately since my last update and lots of things have happened since then. Martijn and I are still separated of course and I have found a house in the mean time. That is to say, I am the first candidate for a house, but the current tenant still needs to hand in his keys. I cannot look at the house until he does, so I have to wait for that to happen. But I suppose it will happen one of these days.
What has happened is that I have changed. I thought I was going to be a blubbering weeping perpetually crying wreck for the time after the break-up, and that has not happened. I have cried about it, especially in the first few weeks, but now I’m very calm. I’m very much at ease with the idea that I’m going to move out and live on my own again. I’m looking forward to decorating my house in the way that I want it to be decorated; I’m looking forward to evenings without the television on and just being able to do what I want. The idea of living on my own doesn’t scare me as much as I thought it would before the break-up. I have lived on my own, so I know I can do it, but now I’m also actually looking forward to it. I’m not looking forward to cooking every day and doing all the laundry myself, but I know I’ll be able to manage.
I have lived a very sheltered, regular, consistent life the past four years and I’m now on the verge of giving that up for a life in a way that I choose to live it. I will be able to spend my time doing things that I want to do. I’ll be able to make choices that might even make me happy, who knows…


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