With an Accent from Holland

My father

This is probably the hardest message I have ever had to post on this blog, but I have to do it. Yesterday when I came home from work Martijn guided me up the stairs and told me there were two people waiting for me. There were two police officers waiting for me. When I saw them I asked Martijn: “Is it my family or is it yours?” He didn’t answer me and told me to sit down. He then told me that my father was found dead in his house that morning and that it was an unnatural death.

Later that evening we went to Almere where my father lived. Martijns father and partner brought us by car there. A police detective waited for us there at the hospital. Then I went in a room and my father was there. I was there with Martijn and I said a prayer for my father there. I can’t describe him right now.

Afterwards we went to the police station where the police detective told me that my father didn’t show up for work that morning. The hospital where he worked didn’t trust it and called the police who went in the house and found my father. He probably has injected himself with insulin and took some alcohol to calm down a bit or to sleep well. My father worked in a hospital as an ICU nurse, so it was easy for him to obtain insulin. I also gave a statement to the police detective about any recent contacts I had had with my father. His last e-mail to me was that he was jealous of me that I had been to the Christina Aguilera concert. He had wanted to be there as well.

I really don’t know why he ended his own life. He didn’t have a perfect marriage with his new wife, it was more for her residence permit, but I didn’t think he was this depressed about it. I know suicides are usually done instantaneously and egoistically. This one probably was. The only problem is that men do it right when they want to commit suicide. Women usually take less invasive methods, but since my father was a nurse, he knew how to do it right. I didn’t see this coming and I am very sad that he thought this was his only way out. He wasn’t a religious man, but I will pray for him. I want to ask you who read this to also pray for his soul and for me a bit as well. I think I will need it. I had to write this on my blog, because my father used to be one of the most frequent visitors of my blog. He checked in almost every day, or at least every other day. This is the first post I know for sure he’s never going to read and that hurts.

posted by Charda @ 12.12.06