28 January 2009

Okay, so today was a very exciting day for me. Well, not really exciting, but it was very important. Because: I got the keys of my new house! I'm going to move to a small two-room apartment and I'm going to live on my own again. I was pretty nervous about this appointment today, because I was afraid they would not think I earned enough money to be able to pay the rent. But they didn't say anything about that. They only nagged about some other administrative issues, but I signed the contract and I now have the keys. Now I'll have to clean the apartment and get some wallpaper and paint on the walls in order to be able to move in. I also need to order flooring and I need to buy a washing machine, a cooker and a refrigerator. But I'm gonna do everything one step at a time, which is work tomorrow and then I'm gonna order the flooring as soon as I can. The next few weeks are going to be pretty stressful for me with lots of work.

18 January 2009


Okay, so it has been two months approximately since my last update and lots of things have happened since then. Martijn and I are still separated of course and I have found a house in the mean time. That is to say, I am the first candidate for a house, but the current tenant still needs to hand in his keys. I cannot look at the house until he does, so I have to wait for that to happen. But I suppose it will happen one of these days.
What has happened is that I have changed. I thought I was going to be a blubbering weeping perpetually crying wreck for the time after the break-up, and that has not happened. I have cried about it, especially in the first few weeks, but now I’m very calm. I’m very much at ease with the idea that I’m going to move out and live on my own again. I’m looking forward to decorating my house in the way that I want it to be decorated; I’m looking forward to evenings without the television on and just being able to do what I want. The idea of living on my own doesn’t scare me as much as I thought it would before the break-up. I have lived on my own, so I know I can do it, but now I’m also actually looking forward to it. I’m not looking forward to cooking every day and doing all the laundry myself, but I know I’ll be able to manage.
I have lived a very sheltered, regular, consistent life the past four years and I’m now on the verge of giving that up for a life in a way that I choose to live it. I will be able to spend my time doing things that I want to do. I’ll be able to make choices that might even make me happy, who knows…

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