18 April 2007

Essay, Christina Aguilera and my Grief for my Father

I’m still playing around with Wordpress, but I guess half an hour just isn’t enough time to get it the way I want it. The main problem is that I don’t really know how it works, and I’m actually too tired to figure it out right now. But it’s still a work in progress…

Tonight I got back my Literature essay, the one about ‘Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë. and I’m really happy with it. The mark is a 7.5 on a scale from 1 to 10. I’m very pleased with it, especially since I didn’t know what it was going to be. It was the first essay I handed in to this teacher, so you never know what they expect from an essay. He didn’t even comment much, so I’m just very happy.

I was less happy walking home from the tram. I had listened to Christina Aguilera when I just had to cry because of my father’s death. I’ll explain the Christina Aguilera thing first. On the 2nd of December I went to her concert in Rotterdam and afterwards I posted a link to a video with a small story about it on my blog. My father had read that and then sent me an e-mail saying that he was jealous of me and that he would have liked to come along. That was the last e-mail I ever received from my father, the last contact we had, because he died a week later. I replied to his e-mail, but he never replied to that one. Apart from that, I cannot listen to the song ‘Hurt’ by Miss Aguilera, because of the lyrics and the way in which she sings it. That song always makes me cry. On my way home I was listening to her CD, not even the one with ‘Hurt’ on it, but still. I just had to cry. And then I got home in tears and Martijn was very afraid something had happened to me on my way home. This mourning process is weird. Sometimes I don’t think about it for days and then sometimes I just have to cry at the most crazy places, like today. I don’t feel bad about it; it makes me feel human. Because I’m still sometimes kind of embarrassed that I don’t think about it more often, that I don’t cry more often. My life kind of goes on like always. But then this happens and I’m a bit relieved that I can still cry about it and feel the pain. I guess that will stay forever…


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