Grief
I wanted to show you this picture I found of my cat, who died a couple of years ago. It’s a really cool picture, but I forgot the CD with the pictures at work. I’ll try and post it tomorrow if I don’t forget it.
Nothing special has happened the last couple of days. I’ve been really tired, because I didn’t get enough sleep. Like right now, I should have been in bed at least half an hour ago. I played Guild Wars tonight for about 2 hours. It was really cool. I finally reached Droknar’s Forge, which is a city that I really wanted to reach. You can buy really cool armour there and it’s basically just a high-lvl area. That makes me feel really cool.
Next Tuesday I have a meeting in Almere to select an urn for a tiny bit of my father’s ashes. When I have selected one and ordered it, we can make an appointment to distribute the rest of my father’s ashes. I have postponed this meeting for a while, because I’m not really looking forward to it, but it really doesn’t matter how long I postpone it. I have to do it someday anyway.
I’m having a hard time in dealing with the grief. I usually cry at night, because I can picture my father best when I’m in bed. I also cry when I hear the song ‘Hurt’ by Christina Aguilera. The text doesn’t completely apply to me, but it really touches me. I can’t really define what I feel. I just feel sad. Usually when I work things are all right and I can just go to class and do what I need to do. It’s when I’m at home that I have time to think and to realize and feel how much it hurts. And I know the pain is there to stay forever. It will become less and I will learn to deal with it eventually, but the truth is I don’t have a father anymore. I can’t buy a card for Father’s Day, my father will not be at my wedding, he will never see my children, and my children will never know their grandfather. Those things just really hurt.
Like I said, it’s not like I’m crying and blubbering about these things all day long. I do go to class, I try to prepare all my homework, and I still play Guild Wars. It’s just so very hard.
My grandmother sent me these lines:
There is no death
When you think of me, I’ll always be with you
*Edit 1-3-2007* Here's the picture of my cat.
posted by Charda @ 28.2.07
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